Yo dont text me then not text me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize