So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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