we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
