if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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