i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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