when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
