I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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