just come out here and I will go home with you...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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