so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
