My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
