i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
