david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
