you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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