My nipple is on Facebook.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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