just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
operation have a gay friend backfired
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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