everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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