I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
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Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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