Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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