Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
