Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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