why didn't you poke me back
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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