I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
