NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
