Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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