FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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