So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
