When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
