After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
