If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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