She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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