the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
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Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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