If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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