Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
