you guys were way drunker than both of me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
