My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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