all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
