I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think your dad took our porno
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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