why didn't you poke me back
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
