Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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