Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
