drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
