just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The air was thick with penises
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
