well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
