Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
