He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
