Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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