did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
