i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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