is your mom at the bar?
so explain again why im purple
no
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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