TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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