do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize