Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just tell him i said nine months
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
