My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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