My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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