and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I just put wine in my tea
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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