Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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