One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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