I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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