I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
