Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
