i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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