I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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